What I Felt

(Jay)
These words that I just read touched me. They touched me deeply. I saw Beyonce's point of view. I don't want her to feel this way. Bey and I need to get to the days when her and I used to go out to dinner. We used to always go vacations. Though we have a son now, it limits things we can do. I think a vacation for the three of us would be nice. Of course our sex would be limited on that vacation. I'mma definitely plan that vacation. Maybe after Jayden's birthday and before the wedding. 


Bey: Jay, you don't think its too early to be going to dinner. We just got home a few hours ago. 
Jay: Maybe it is, but we completely stopped going on dates-
Bey: We were on a date the night we got into that accident. 
Jay: Jayden was with us. I want it to be just the two of us. 
Bey: And who is who going to watch him on a short notice?
Jay: Kelly, Angie, Solange or your parents. 
Bey: Jay-
Jay: Come on babe. We gotta talk about somethings. 
Bey: We can talk right in the house.
Jay: ....Are you being for real? Aight, I won't bug you. *gets up from couch looking all sad* 
Bey: Ahhh. Stop it. We can go out. 
Jay: *chuckles* Works every time. *kisses her cheek*
Bey: Mhmm. When are we going?
Jay: When you find a baby sitter.
Bey: Okay. I want him to be sleep when we leave. 
Jay: Why? 
Bey: Because he's gonna cry and all that.
Jay: Well he's asleep right now. Not gonna work. 
Bey: I know. I'm sure Kelly can watch him. 
Jay: Aight, ask her to keep him until tomorrow.

Bey: Tomorrow? Why?
Jay: Don't worry about it. Just ask her. 
Bey: Can you go get the phone please?
Jay: *goes to get the phone* *comes back* Here.
Bey: *takes phone and dails Kelly's phone number* 
Kelly: *breathing heavy* Hel..lo..
Bey: Umm. Are you busy, Kelly? *giggles* 
Kelly: ....Umm....Sort of.
Bey: *hears grunting* *laughs* Why did you even answer the answer the phone? Bye. Call me when you're back isn't being blown out. *giggles* *hangs out* 
Jay: Kelly was getting her shit beat up? *chuckles* *shakes head* 
Bey: I wouldn't have even answered the phone. 
Jay: Thats because Im tearing shit up. Putting that GOOD DICK down! 
Bey: Who said it was you?
Jay: Woman, don't get hurt!
Bey: *giggles* *looks around*  Was I suppose to be scared? 
Jay: Man! Just call Angie and see if she can keep Jayden until tomorrow morning. 
Bey: She's probably busy. But i'll call. *dials Angie's number* 
Angie: Hello. 
Bey: Hey Angie. What are you up to? 
Angie: Nothing nergro what you want me to do now?
Bey: *giggles* How'd you know I needed something?
Angie: Because that's the only time you call me. You don't really love me. Its cool though. As long as my check doesn't change. 
Bey: *laughs* You know what! I love your stupid self. But I was going to ask if you could keep Jayden until tomorrow morning. 
Angie: Tomorrow morning? Hell naw. That boy is going to cry all night long! No ma'am!
Bey: Angie, please. He isn't going to cry. 
Angie: Yes the hell he is. Just like when he was hollering when you came with us. 
Bey: Soo is that is a yes? 
Angie: No. Its a hell NO. *laughs* 
Bey: Please. 
Angie: Ohh Beyonce. Begging isn't cute! *giggles* 
Bey: *giggles* Then don't make me do it. 
Angie: Fine. I'll keep him until tomorrow morning. Now why do you want to watch him?
Bey: Because Jay and I want to go out for a few hours. 
Angie: Mhmm. Y'all wanna get it in without any distractions. Im not stupid..
Bey: *laughs* You are so wrong!
Angie: Yeah sure whatever. *giggles* What time are you guys bringing over the Carter offspring?
Bey: Let me ask Jay. *to Jay* What time are we going to take Jayden to Angie's?
Jay: Uhhhh. Like 7.
Bey: 7. Is that okay?
Angie: I suppose. See y'all later. And make sure you pack EVERYTHING!
Bey: Alright. Thank you. 
Angie: Mhm. *hangs up* 


(Angie's House)


Bey: *holding Jayden* Angie, don't forget that he's allergic to apples. 
Angie: Okay, Beyonce. I got it. 
Bey: He goes to bed at 8:00. I already fed him so you don't have to do that. He might want a little snack, like a PB&J or something. If he wants juice or milk, make sure you add a little water.
Angie: Lord have mercy. Jayden has a whole manual. *giggles* 
Bey: *giggles* Shut up. 
Angie: You look cute Bey. Where are you guys headed?
Jay: Out. If Beyonce would bring her ass on. We gone be late. 
Angie: She's always late. Haven't you realized that?
Bey: Both of you can kiss my ass. 
Jay: Oh I plan to. 
Angie: Alright alright. Give me the boy and leave before I throw up. 
Bey: *hands Jayden to Angie* You be good for mommy. Okay?
Jayden: *shakes his head no* No. 
Angie: Chh. Yes you will. 
Jay: *chuckles* Come on babe. 
Bey: Alright. Jayden, give mommy kisses. 
Jayden: *kisses Bey* 
Bey: Can you say "Bye bye"?
Jay: Can you say "bring yo ass on"?
Angie: *laughs* 
Bey: Hush! *kisses Jayden* See you later baby. 
Jay: So dramatic. Come on. See ya later lil man. 


*They leave and head the restaurant. They get seated, order their food, and began eating* 

Jay: You know that I love you to death right?
Bey: Yes. Where did that come from? 
Jay: I just want to be a better man to you. I need to really start showing you that I ain't shit without you. Like I used to be able to keep a smile on your face. But lately we've done nothing but fight and then sex it out. Sometimes. We really gotta work on stating how we feel about shit. If we wanna get married. You know what I'm saying? 
Bey: Yeah I know what you're saying. I feel the same way. I too wanna become better to you. I hate fighting and arguing, though the making up is incredible. *smiles* I don't wanna take any of these bad habit into our marriage. I love you Shawn. I don't wanna spend my life with anyone other than you. 
Jay: *smiles* And my lil man right?
Bey: *smiles* Yeah. *rubs his face* My two favorite guys!
Jay: *smiles* *winks* ....Bey, I read that poem or song, that you wrote.
Bey: Really? How?
Jay: Because you left it in the bed. I thought it was very heart felt and deep. It brought tears to my eyes actually. 
Bey: Every time I think about it. I get emotional-
Jay: You have every right to. But don't feel as though it's your fault, because its not. We had no control over it. Well we did in a way. But you know that God has a plan for us both. Its nothing to create another baby. *moves eyes brows up and down*
Bey: *giggles* I think we should. 
Jay: Think we should what? practice or really make a baby.
Bey: Both. *smiles* 
Jay: You sure wanna get pregnant right now? You have work to get back to. 
Bey: So. I don't care about that stuff right now. 
Jay: Bey baby, I don't think-
Bey: Shawn, I really want to.
Jay: ...Alright. Your wish is my command. 
Bey: I wanna have a girl this time around. 
Jay: Girls are too much work. But I wouldn't mind having a girl. 
Bey: Oh Lord..You ready for Jayden's birthday party? 
Jay: Yeaahh. Can you believe lil man is going to be a whole year?
Bey: Time flew by quickly. It seems like yesterday I was pregnant with him.
Jay: That pregnancy was...tough. After all that stress. He turned pretty good. 
Bey: Aahh, He's okay. *giggles* He takes after you in some departments. 
Jay: *chuckles* Ayee. What are you trying to say? Which departments?
Bey: Snoring. You guys both raise your eyebrows the same way when you two are upset or sad. He sleeps just like you, right hand on your cheek with your left knee up, mouth opened wide. Same blank stare when you guys watch TV. Neither one of you guys can be away from me for 5 minutes. *smiles* 
Jay: *laughs* You're reaching with the last one. That may be accurate for Jayden but NOT for me.
Bey: *giggles* Stop lying. You don't have to lie to kick it.
Jay: *chuckles* Yeah babe, whatever helps you sleep at night.
Bey: You.
Jay: Huh?
Bey: You. You help me sleep at night. 
Jay: *smiles* Oh yeahh? You gone sleep REALLY GOOD tonight.
Bey: *winks* I know. 
Jay: Bey?
Bey: Yes?
Jay: I think you should tell your family about the miscarriage. 
Bey: *sighs* Now why did you have to bring that up?
Jay: Because I think that they should know.
Bey: Why? For what? So I tell them. What is going to solve, babe?
Jay: Maybe nothing. But if they know they'll stop bringing up the fact that they want you to have another baby. I saw the look on your face when Solange and Ty brought up you having another baby. I know that it hurts. 
Bey: Of course it hurts Shawn. I don't want to tell them, because I don't want everyone's pity and sympathy. I don't need or want all of that attention. 
Jay: But they should know whats going on with you. They're going to be there for you. Thats what family is for, babe. 
Bey: I know that-
Jay: Can I be honest with you?
Bey: *sighs* Go ahead.
Jay: I think that you should focus on Jayden right now. Having another baby isn't our best interest. You have a career that is going to steal your attention. Our wedding is around the corner-
Bey: Alright babe, I get it. 
Jay: You sure that you get it? Do you really understand where I'm coming from?  
Bey: Yes. You're right. I guess we should wait to have another baby. 
Jay: You mean that?
Bey: Yes.I do. 
Jay: Speaking of wedding. We haven't picked a place for our honeymoon. 
Bey: I know huh? We've been so wrapped up in everything else. 
Jay: Yeaaahh. Where do wanna go?
Bey: I don't know. Where did you want to go?
Jay: Uuumm. Either San Tropez or St Barts. 
Bey: What about Spain, South of France. 
Jay: Doesn't matter where we are. All I'll see is you. *winks* 
Bey: *blushes* That's very sweet. *smiles* 
Jay: How long are going to be on the honeymoon anyway? 
Bey: Just a few days. You know I can't stay away from my baby boy. 
Jay: *chuckles* *shakes head* Yeah I know. 
Bey: Maybe like 2 or 3 days. 
Jay: Thats cool. Who is going to watch him?
Bey: My mama said that she would have no problem watching him. 
Jay: Coo. You know we still have to get Jayden's suit. 
Bey: Oh yeahhhh. I forgot all about that. You should call your taylor. 
Jay: Yeah. I'll call him tomorrow morning. What are we going to do with his hair?
Bey: *gives him "his hair is just fine look"* Whats wrong with his hair? 

Jay: Have you not looked your son's hair lately?
Bey: Looks fine to me. I like his hair. 
Jay: Its too long. Curls everywhere. 
Bey: You don't like his hair, babe?
Jay: ...Its just all over the place. He needs a line up, or something.
Bey: As long as you don't cut it completely off. 
Jay: I want to, but I'll take him to get a trim. 
Bey: What color are you and Jayden's suits?
Jay: Are you suppose to know that? Isn't that suppose to kept secret? *chuckles* 
Bey: *giggles* You aren't suppose to see my dress until I walk down the isle. Silly. 
Jay: Ohh..well....I'm still not telling you. You gotta wait and see. 
Bey: Oh goodness. 


(Bey) 
Shawn and I continued to talk, laugh, and joke. This dinner date was filled with nothing but smiles. It felt great to feel what I felt in the beginning of our relationship. I see why I fell in with him in the first place. His smile, his whole entire face lights up when he smiles. His eyes, his eyes speak to my heart. His voice, his voice is high, deep and raspy all at the same time. I love it. His scent; his scent lingers, a smell that  I can never forget. His laugh, a laugh that makes me laugh. His hands and fingers; so smooth, as he caressed my face when he said "You are the most beautiful woman to me". I bashfully blushed at his statement. He warmed my heart and soul. I smiled big. "You are the most handsome man to me" I said as I winked at him. He licked his big soft lips as he  winked, replacing the "Thank you". We interlocked our  fingers.

(Jay)
Sitting here with Beyonce right now is making me realize why I want to spend the rest of my life with her. What I'm feeling at this moment is something that I never want to go away. In this very moment I feel what I felt when I decided to settle down with her all those years ago. She is hands down the most amazing person that walks this planet. Any other woman wouldn't have put up with anything or everything that I've put her through. Which tells me that she truly loves me and I can't let her go. Her eyes; light brown, they spoke to me when she said "I love you, Shawn". Hearing her say that gave me butterflies. I'mma softy, I know. Her smile, so beautiful, makes me warm. Her laugh, so cute and dorky. Sometimes loud, but I love it. Her voice, raspy but sweet. That one dimple on her right cheek; it appears when she smiles sometimes and when she says certain words. We finished our dinner. By this time its around 9 something. We left the restaurant and drove to Cold Stone to get some ice cream. The clerk was a fan, so we signed her apron. Then we decided to take a stroll. We talked and ate our ice cream. We made it back home and went straight to the bedroom. No hesitation. 


Bey: I see you're wasting no time. *giggles* 
Jay: *licks lips* No ma'am *lays Bey down on the bed*
Bey: *pulls Jay on top of her* *looks into his eyes* I love you, baby. 
Jay: I love you more, Beyonce. *kisses her passionately* 
Bey: Make love to me until the sun rises. 
Jay: *kisses her neck* Yes ma'am.  *kisses her forehead* *kisses her lips* 


(Bey) 
Shawn kissed me so passionately. Some much love went to into this kiss. Our tongues danced. This kiss wasn't a lust filled kissed. Love only. Eyes closed. His hands explored my body. Mine explored his. He unbuckled my pants and unzipped my zipper, without breaking the kiss. I broke the kiss to take his shirt off. He got off of me and pulled my heels off. He then took his socks and shoes off. I pulled him back on top of me. The kissing began again. I unbuckled his pants. He helped me by taking his pants off. I took his shirt off. He sucked on neck and his he slid his hand up my shirt. Squeezing my right boob. I pulled my shirt over my head and threw it. He sat me up to unhook my bra. I smiled at him and he smiled back. My nipples felt a warm sensation from his mouth. I let a slight and light moan leave my lips. He pulled my pants off, along with my panties. He was on his knees. I pulled his boxers down. Mandingo and my eyes met. I bit my lip causing Jay to chuckle. He laid on top of me. I opened my legs, stuck my tongue down his throat, and wrapped my arms around his neck. Then I felt his penis being rubbed up and my clit. I felt myself becoming wet. He trailed his tongue from neck to my boobs. He stopped and began to suck each other. Leaving read marks all over my chest and breast. He licked me down to my vagina. The roof of my vagina felt his tongue and then he sucked it hard. I moaned, I got wetter. He kissed my lips. I closed my eyes. He went to work on my vagina and blew my mind. He licked, sucked, slurped me up. Sticking his tongue inside of me. His tongue was like a mop in my vagina. Touching each wall. I moaned while rubbing his head. He pulled his tongue out and began to suck hard, which caused me to cum. He swallowed it. 


Jay: *licks his lips* Mmm. You taste good. *winks* 
Bey: *smiles* Now its my turn to taste you. 
Jay: *lays down* 


(Jay) 
She started off by laying on top of me. Sucking, licking, and biting on my neck. Grinding her pussy against my dick. Shit. I'm about to burst. My dick grew harder. The anticipation of the warmth that I wanted to receive from her mouth, or her pussy. She continued to do what she was doing. Letting moans escape from her lips. Making me even more horny. I can't take the wait, so I rolled on top of her. She giggled. "Couldn't wait huh." She said. "Hell nah" I replied. I tongued her down. She opened her legs wider. I slid inside of her, all of me. He body jumped slightly. I continued to tongue kiss her, stroking into her slowly. She wrapped arms around my neck. Our body moved at the same pace. My right hand explored her right thigh. I stopped kissed her and sped up my strokes to a medium pace. My face was buried her neck. She moaned directly in my ear. I sucked her neck, and then I bit her ear. She started to twerk her pussy. "Ohhhh SHIT! Twerk daddy's pussy baby" I shouted. She moaned. "Fuuuccccckkkkk" I said as I felt her tighten herself around me. I pulled myself up to my knees and l opened her legs, spreading them as far as they good go. Pounding her pussy quickly. She started breathing heavy. Biting her lips. "Shaaaawwwwwnnnnn" She moaned as she said my name. I began to sweat, as did she. "Twerk that pussy" I demanded. She started fucking the shit outta me. Rotating and grinding on me. I met her strokes and after 10 minutes. We both came. We came hard. She had an intense orgasm. 


Bey: *catching breath* Lord hammery. I love you!
Jay: Ohh yeahh? Show me then. *lays on his back*
Bey: *looks at him* *bites her bottom lip* 


(Bey)
I slid down onto Jay. He was inside of me, all the way. I lean in and tongued him down. He slapped my ass with both of his hands. I began to grind on him, causing myself to moan. Each stroke made me wetter. He bit his lip and then a deep moan left his lips. We locked eyes. He winked at me and moaned some more as I continued to grind on him. "Ride daddy's dick faster" he demanded. I tighten up and rotated at a medium pace. I becoming even more sweaty. He gripped both of my boobs and he met my strokes. "Jaaaaayyy!!" I moaned. "Whose is it?" he asked then he moaned. "Its youuuurrrrssss!!!" I replied. "Who owns this pussy, Bey?" he asked in forceful voice. I moaned. "Shit daddy. Youuuuuuuu dooooooooooo!! Ooooooo shit!!" I managed to say. "I own this pussy, baby? Huh? " he asked as he placed his hand on my hips, stroking into me. "Yesssssssss Shaaaawwwnnnn. Yooou oooowwwnnn ittttttt!!" I said. He took full control. Pounding me hard and fast. I got wetter and wetter. I couldn't breath. I started gasping. My mouth was wide open, but no sound came out. He was hitting the right spot. I felt my peek reaching. Something shot through my body. I came, I came harder than the last time. I fell onto Jay's body. My body shook and trembled. I bit the shit outta his neck. He pounding me faster. I started screaming and pleading for him to stop. He kept going. My hair was in his left hand and my ass was in his right hand. He stroked me. He pounded me. He flipped me over and nutted on my stomach. 


Jay: *catching breath* Shit! My neck is burning.
Bey: *giggles* Sorry baby. 
Jay: *kisses her lips* It okay babe. *stands up and pulls Bey up* 


(Jay) 
I took her in the bathroom and put her on the top of the counter. She pulled me close and kissed me. I put her arms around my neck. She was ready for the dick but I wanted to tease her. I massaged her clit as I sucked her neck. "Come ooonnn babe!" she said. I continued. "Baaaaaabe, I want it!" she begged. "What you want, baby?" I asked. She moaned. "I want youu." I shoved myself all the way into her. She gasped and wrapped her legs around me. I placed my hands on the mirror for support and began thrusting slowly. She moaned and took deep breaths right into my ear. "I looooove it, daddy" she whispered in my ear. Her tongue ran up and down my neck. That shit felt good as fuck, because it was just the tip of her tongue. Then she started sucking and biting my neck. "Shit. Thid pussy feels so fuckin good" I moaned. "Faster babe" she said. "Yes ma'am" I replied. I went as fast as I could. She started moaning my name repeatedly. After 5 minutes she came and had another intense orgasm. She dug her nails into my back. I continued. One last nut and a few minutes later. I came. We stayed in the same positions as we caught our breaths. 


Bey: Carry me to the bed please?
Jay: *chuckles* Aight. *picks her up* *walks back to the room*
Bey: I'm so high on your love. 
Jay: I know. *winks* 
Bey: I love you.
Jay: *lays her down* I love you too baby. *lays next to her*
Bey: *looks at him* You really mean that?
Jay: Of course I mean it. Daddy is tired. *pulls her close* Lets go to sleep. *covers them up*
Bey: Good night, Shawn.
Jay: Good night , Beyonce. 


(The next morning at Angie's House)


Bey: *holding Jayden* Was he any trouble? 
Angie: Nope. Surprisingly. He was good. He barely cried. 
Bey: I think thats because he likes you.
Angie: *flips hair* Well, I mean whats not to like. *giggles*
Bey: Oh Lord. *giggles* 
Jay: You can put him down. He can walk now. 
Bey: Maybe I wanna hold him. 
Jay: I'mma break this holding him all day long thing. *takes Jayden and makes him stand, while holding his hand*
Jayden: *cries* *looks up at Jay* *holding his hand up*
Bey: See!
Jay: See nothing. He's fine. 
Bey: He can't walk that good yet. 
Angie: Well he has to learn Bey. 
Jay: Thats what I try to tell her. 
Bey: Yeahh yeah yeaahhh. 
Angie: Did you two love birds have a good time last night?
Bey: *smiles* Yeah we did. *giggles*
Angie: Ooooooo. Look at the smile. What did you do to my cousin, Jay? *giggles* 
Jay: *chuckles* I'm sure she's gonna call you later on and tell you.
Angie: *giggles* And you ARE right!
Bey: *giggles* Anyway. Thank you for watching him, I owe you. *hugs her* 
Angie: You're welcome. I'm glad y'all had a good time.
Bey: I'mma get outta here. Love you. 
Angie: Love you too. 


(Bey & Jay's House)


(Jay) 
It was about 3 in morning. I had to piss, so I went to the bathroom. Took a piss and washed my hands. When I went back to the bed I realized that Bey wasn't there. So I figured that she was in Jayden's room. I went to into Jayden's room and there was no sign of her. I covered him up and went to look for her. As I walked down the hallway I heard sniffling. It was coming from the living room. I walked faster. There Bey was, on the couch, knees touching her chest, with her arms wrapped around her legs. Eyes fulls of tears. I was confused. I didn't know why she was crying. She didn't see me or hear me. I walked over to the couch. She kept crying. I just sat next her and put my arms around her, as she cried into my chest. I wanted to know what was going on and why she was crying so hard. Seeing her in this state was almost heart breaking for me. I hate seeing her cry. Everything was all good just hours away. I continued to hold her. I held her tight. She finally stopped crying five minutes later.


Jay: Babe, whats wrong? Why are you crying?
Bey: *silent*
Jay: Baby, tell me whats wrong. 
Bey: ...The miscarriage. 



To Be Continued....